Project Runway Season 8

Sweet baby Jesus, thank you for giving us another timely season of a gay man's favorite piece of cable programming: a fashion elimination competition peppered with homosexuality for about twelve weeks.

In the first episode the contestants are informed that they have one last step in the audition process because there are 17 of them when there are usually 16. Basically, Project Runway does this every season in some way. There is just 'too much talent' to stick with the usual amount of people, say, going to Fashion Week, so they pick four and give them one more challenge. In this case, to start with 17, I say, is just to get another episode out of this money machine; stretch it to Sweeps or something. Anyway, they're told to open up their suitcases and pick one garment to work with on a five-hour challenge. Then they hand it to the person to their right. Mayhem and anxiety ensue.

HERE ARE THE BOYS OF PROJECT RUNWAY SEASON 8

Michael Costello, 27, Palm Springs, CA
Michael's a bit rotund, and I like that. He's got a whole lot of sass but it only trickled out in our season debut. He had some of the most memorable quotes, though. Almost immediately after picking up his bags and chit-chatting with two designers he managed to utter "Gimme a burger and I will whip up some couture." Yes, honey. He also tells the producers that he's "Gonna shut this shit down." We'll see.

A.J. Thouvenot, 26, St. Charles, MO
This one's a keeper. He's got a very Seth Aaron vibe going on only much, much gayer. He's tall, skinny, white, sweeps his bangs to the side, wears wrist bands and wears lots of collared shirts, sometimes with a little emo tie. He likes to design for party girls and punks. His Missouri-ness is outrageously charming.

Christopher Collins, 30, San Francisco, CA
I'm not so sure about this homosexual. While his poise and calm grace are alluring, his audition tape is off-putting in his reserved and understated egotism. He cut his hair before arriving in New York, thank goodness, and he looks good with a shaved head but his personal style is a snooze and we don't get much of him in the premiere. This makes me think he's either done in the first few episodes or will go far. He says he designs ready-to-wear womenswear and that one of the most magical moments of his life was seeing a woman on the street wear his design. OK, that's pretty heartwarming.

Mondo Guerra, 32, Denver, CO
Hooooo, lord, this one's a peculiar one. He looks like he could be 5'4" and 115 pounds. But he is one fashionable bitch. He ended up giving his neighbor designer a kilt of his. He planned to wear a kilt on the show. Again with the side-swept bangs and glasses, very Christian Siriano. In the next episode it looks like he wears bright orange glasses frames and a top with feathers on the runway. Cannot WAIT to see what kind of crazy he's got in him.

Andy South, 23, Hawaii
We also get next to nothing about this one in the first episode but his audition tape is flawless. He makes Chinese-flavored (because he's Asian?) militaristic garments that gave Seth Aaron a hard-on: a coat, crazy pocketed flowy pants, a lantern-inspired top with sleeves that pull out. He gives his fellow designer a kimono to work with. She loves the East, that much is clear. And she's gonna work it and go far, trust.

Casanova, 33, Astoria, NY/Puerto Rico
Sweet Jesus this one's a mess. He gives up a $1,000+ pair of D&G pants for some girl to tear them up and then makes a loose and flowing skimpy dress reminiscent of Jasmine from Aladdin. Michael Kors tells him it looks like she's a pole dancer from Dubai. Heidi asks him to defend himself on the runway and he gives her a perplexed look. Nina translates in Spanish and he barely scoots along to the next episode.

Jason Troisi, 33, Greenwich, CT
This one, I'm pretty sure, is the only straight man on the show. And, obviously, the one I'm most attracted to. He's a boxer. He's got a cute body and a cute face. But he's dumb as nails. He meets a fabulous female, Gretchen, and immediately asks her what her cultural make-up is. Irish/German mutt, she replies and he says he's "100% Italian." Then crickets chirp - seriously Lifetime inserted cricket chirping. He gets Andy's kimono and basically turns it backwards and staples it closed. He barely survives, too, thank God, because it looks like in the next episode he wears a tank top.

Nicholas D'Aurizio, 31, New York, NY
Oh poor Nicholas. Nicholas, who used to be an architect and designs accessories, has horrible bleach blond hair and honestly looks like he has kicked a drug habit. Good for him! He gets a bomber jacket and just uses the bottom cuff as the top of an over-the-top gown that makes his gorgeous model look like a fool. I don't think he'll last long.

Michael Drummond, 31, St. Louis, MO
Mr. Knitwear, I call him. He talks about his expertise in knitwear and how it will do him no good on the show because it's like playing a harpsichord all your life and then having to play the electric guitar. If you say so! He is handsome, though, very Keith Bryce with his glasses, engineer cap and rolled up sleeves on his deep vee. Let's keep him for a while.